


To be a Queen

by CatCloud



Category: Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: F/F, Light Angst, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Destruction, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2019-01-27 06:52:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12576144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatCloud/pseuds/CatCloud
Summary: A king must be a symbol, not a person, and a queen must shudder part of the burden.*Note: If you are wondering why I haven't updated "The Dragoness and the She-wolf" it's because I fell down the Fate angst hole, and this one-shot is my ladder.*





	To be a Queen

It had been fourteen years since their wedding. The duties she had taken as queen were not anything like she had expected. _A monarch must be a symbol and live for their people_ , had been what her father had always told her, and she had made sure to carve those words into her heart. Guinevere had made sure to live up to those words, but she never imagined it would be this hard. 

_"Monarchs should strive to be paragons, to set an example for all others. We give up a lot for our people, but we have dreams and desires. We should be allowed to be selfish sometimes. We should be allowed to indulge in our wants sometimes. We should be allowed to be human."_ Her lady wife seemed to think otherwise. The closest she had ever gotten to see Arturia as anything close to a human was on their wedding night when the king had revealed her secret to her. That night for a single moment the queen had seen shame color the inhuman king's face.

_"She is too perfect, too alien. Unbeatable in both war and battle. Untainted by desire. Devoid of grief or regret. And,"_ the queen unknowingly reached towards the lines that had begun to form outside the corners of her eyes, _"ageless."_

Guinevere had age extraordinarily. She was still considered by many to be one of the most beautiful women in the world. But she knew this would not always be true. _"With each passing day I grow older, and with each passing day Arturia remains the same. . . And each passing day we are without an heir."_

The queen turned towards the figure lying next to her in her bed. Not her king, but her sworn knight.

Merlin had guaranteed that his magic would allow Arturia to impregnate her. For the first couple of years, Both the king and queen had insisted that the fault must've lied with the wizard's craft. Every so often they made him reexamine his spells to search for a flaw that wasn't there. Each time the court magician complied with his sovereigns, and each time they held hope.

By the tenth year they both had come to terms with reality. It was not Merlin's magic that failed them. After that Arturia had stopped visiting her chambers, there was no point in it after all.

The queen understood the king's sudden need for distance, and yet. . . and yet she couldn't help the tugs at her heart every time she saw Arturia in the halls or the garden. Every second she had to stand next to Arturia in a public event and pretend like she hadn't abandoned her was torture. Every time she had to pretend that she didn't notice the varies noble women fluent themselves in front of her king, like the vultures that they were, felt like a dagger was plunged into her gut.

She was only two years younger than the king. They had married when Guinevere was only eighteen, but Arturia still looked like she was still fifteen. Back then the king's eternally youthful appearance had not bothered her as much. Now the gap between them was much more noticeable. The queen had failed to produce an heir. She knew it would be only a matter of time before Arturia abandoned her for a younger a bride, one that could give her the heir Guinevere couldn't. _"Maybe then it wouldn't hurt as much."_

Each night she pleaded to whichever god may have been listening to fill the hole Arturia had left in her heart, and it was Lancelot, once her childhood love, who answered those pleas.

_"I could've loved her,"_ she turned away from her lover. _"We could've been happy if I could've just given her an heir,"_  she curled up into a ball. _"If I could've just pierced that armored exterior and reached her,"_   tears began to pool under her eyes. _"If only my own body wasn't so useless,"_  she tried to suppress her weeping.  _"If it wasn't for that accursed scabbard,"_   by now her crackling had awakened her lover.

 

Without a word, he embraced her. He held her patiently as her sobs turned into howls, and eventually faded into whimpers.

After clearing her eyes, the queen thanked her knight with a chaste kiss on the lips. Dawn had not risen yet, so Lancelot gathered his things and climbed back out of the queen's window while Guinevere laid in bed and awaited her handmaidens.

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, most of the Fate stuff isn't that good. The Fate franchise is one of those things where I enjoy the fandom (fanfics, fanart, shit posts, background material, etc.) a lot more than the show(s) itself.
> 
> I may eventually make a companion piece from Mordred's point of view because holy shit Arturia is a worse parent than she is a wife. I mean, yes Morgan is a way worse mom, but Arturia is still a pretty shit parent.
> 
> I also need to stop uploading these things so late before bed.


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